I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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