pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
