Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
