please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
