the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Randomize
