It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
