she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
