im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
