I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
