sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
