dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
