I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
BRING THE BAGELS
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize