he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
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