party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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