Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize