I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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