the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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