yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
