Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
