God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
