My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Randomize
