that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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