Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
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