Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
