Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
