apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
