You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
