i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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