it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
