awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
