I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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