Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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