I'm gonna have a badass scar
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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