I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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