Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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