billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
