I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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