Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Randomize
