Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
