I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I just pynch a tree in the face
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I'm always down for nudity.
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