new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
