his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
