Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
