Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
