i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize