Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
