walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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