wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
