worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
