I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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