and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
