I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
