Moan for me like Helen Keller
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Someone signed my nipple.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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