i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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