Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I just want to make out with him forever
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
