Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize