Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
