I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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