My first STD was from a foam party
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
