Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
