i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
