so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
