I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
