Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
