Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(908): View more from New Jersey

my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation

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(607): View more from New York

Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless

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(504): View more from Louisiana

it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina

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(512): View more from Texas

and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through

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(740): View more from Ohio

I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"

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(002): View more from

There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink

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(805): View more from California

There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it

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(217): View more from Illinois

I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(

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(707): View more from California

He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you

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