Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
