he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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