I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
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