my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
we made out on top of his cat.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
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