I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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