There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
