My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
