somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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