5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize