If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
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