oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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