It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
