I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
