Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
