So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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