he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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