Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
