You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
