Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Randomize
