I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
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