he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
You need a sexual gate keeper
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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