i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
