apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize