i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
