Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
