im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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