I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
