K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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