Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
You're like the curious george of whores
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
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