My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
