Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
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