He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
