He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize