I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
