Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
