took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Randomize
