saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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