What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
