She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
