So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I looked at my own cervix.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I am available for nakedness
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
