bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
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