there's paper in my vomit.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
