Already got asked if we're dating
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Randomize
