Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
its not stalking. its research.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
