Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize