Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
